12. May, 2018

Scott Hutchinson

I had never heard of Scott or his band before the news broke yesterday of his passing. I can however relate to him a little bit, obviously I didn't know anything of his personal struggle apart from what has been related by those that knew him over twitter.  Everyone who battles with depression and mental illness has their own story, and experiences that might have led them to that point. He seems to have been able to use his own experiences to help others, reaching them through the band's success. 

I obviously can't speak for anyone else, as you can never truly know what is happening inside someone. Even if they confide in you, there will be some things that they can not relate or verbalise to anyone. I know that for myself, I attempt to help people to keep myself connected to the world. The depression that I feel is very isolating, and I have to try even harder because I have never been the most communicative person. I have been a insular person since childhood, and have never really been able to break out of that, despite my siblings being very talkative people who try to get everyone in the family talking all the time. 

I have been dealing with my own depressive thoughts for a long time, born of a sense of inferiority and a lack of self esteem and reinforced by the fact that I have had long periods of unemployment.

I have known intellectually that depression is indiscriminate, but when I hear of high profile figures battling it, it scares me more, which I know is a weird reaction. But if people with adoring fans and apparent financial security, with all the opportunities and resources inherent in that can't find help to deal with their depression before they take their own life, how am I meant to find my way out of my own depression? 

I know that it is a rather selfish way to think about it, and of course I feel sadness for the Frightened Rabbit's fans and Scott Hutchinson's loved ones. They are dealing with something that no family ever wants to experience. 

Sorry if this has been incoherent, but it was just what I was thinking this morning.